Woosh! The sound of my email being sent felt especially gratifying! I had finally finished my article, Step Into Your Light with The Dark Goddesses, and it was off for publication in Aspire Magazine’s October issue. Time for some well deserved rest and relaxation.
What is it that I want to do now?, I thought to myself. Jack O’ Lanterns! Yes! Let’s carve the Jack O’Lanterns! I run downstairs to grab two pumpkins and get started. This is going to be so much fun! I haven’t carved Jack O’Lanterns in years! With the pumpkins safely on the kitchen table and knife in hand, I begin.
“Hmmm… sawing through this pumpkin is harder than I thought!”, I exclaimed. “Maybe I waited too long.” I didn’t want them to wilt but maybe doing this a few days before Halloween was too late in the season.
Cutting the top off the larger pumpkin seemed to take forever, but I did it. Scooping out the insides using my new pumpkin carving glove was easy peasy. I was having such a good time that I started humming as I scooped out the gushy insides and pumpkin seeds. Suddenly, I froze.
I’m humming the tune of the Halloween Witch!
I tear off my gloves and reach for my cell phone. Pushing the record button, I hum the tune into the voice memo app. “There, now I have it forever!”
I know this tune is the key to my Halloween dream in the hospital all those years ago and a big clue to finding out the identity of the Halloween Witch.
Brrrring! Brrrring! The phone started ringing in my hand. It’s my sister. “Oh, Goddess! It’s October 29th! I totally forgot we are going to the Haunted Trail Walk tonight!”
It’s my niece’s first paying job. She’s a scarecrow in the Haunted Trail Walk fundraiser for a local church. They must be on their way to pick me up!
“Hi Anna”, I say into the speakerphone.
“Hi, we’re on our way. We’ll be there in 10 minutes!”
“OK”, I reply. “I’ll be ready! See you soon!”
“OK. Bye!”
“10 minutes! Yikes! I have to clean up this mess. You’ll just have to wait, Jack O’Lanterns”, I said, while dumping the pumpkin innards into the garbage can and replacing the top on the pumpkin.
Beep! Beep!
I hear the car horn. Anna’s here! Wow, that 10 minutes went fast! Grabbing my purse, my water bottle and my keys I run out to greet them.
“Hi Everybody!”, I said jumping in the backseat of the truck with Dad and Mom.
“Get in! We’re late! I hope we don’t have to stand in line for hours!”, said Anna as she sped off into the night to the Haunted Trail.
As fate would have it, the line isn’t long. The rain from the night before must have kept visitors home. We are told by the gatekeeper that they like to make sure one group gets out before sending another group in… it’s for safety reasons and also social distancing due to the pandemic.
Finally, it’s our turn and we enter the maze of the Haunted Trail.
“ARGHHHH!!! Zombies!!!”, I screamed.
No sooner did we round the first corner of the Haunted Trail Maze when we got separated by the walking dead!
“Great.”, I mumble. “Now I’m lost at the beginning of the Haunted Trail and all alone.”
Dear One, you’re never alone.
“Aphrodite, what are you doing here?”
I told Mercury I’d keep an eye on you until he got here. He knows how upset you’ve been over the this Halloween Witch mystery. Although I can’t see what the attraction is, investigating a Halloween Witch and dragging yourself through a dark, dank nature preserve on a Friday night. Wouldn’t you rather be home sipping a pumpkin spice latte watching, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown?
“It’s going to be fun, Aphrodite, and we get too see Katie as a scarecrow and have her scare us! She told me she loves her job!”
I’m glad she loves it but it’s really not my thing, Dear Heart.
“Well, you’re here now so let’s get away from these Zombies and catch up to the others.”, I said.
The Zombies faded back into the corn maze as Aphrodite and I moved ahead on the trail. We came upon a clearing with a display of the three witches from the Scottish play.
Oh my! Who are these ladies?
‘They’re the witches from The Scottish Play, Aphrodite.”
The Scottish Play?
“MacBeth, Aphrodite.”
Why didn’t you just say so.
Because, Aphrodite, it’s like in Harry Potter, said The Morrighan. You know, ‘He who shall not be named.’, one isn’t to invoke the true name of the play. It’s bad luck!”
“Mother, what are you doing here?”
Suddenly there was a flash!
‘Double Double toil and trouble’, everyone!
“Mercury you made it!”
Of course, I did, Sweetheart. I wouldn’t miss Katie’s thespian debut for anything!
Look here!, said The Morrighan, pointing to the witches tableau.
As we looked on, the scene began to melt and transform. The three witches from Shakespeare’s tale were replaced with a vision of my hospital room. I was in my hospital bed and my roommate was in hers.
My parents were there along with my family doctor and my surgeon. My surgeon was talking, ”She’s very lucky you brought her here. This was very serious, a few more hours and she wouldn’t have made it.”
“She’s strong. She’ll be ok now.”, my family doctor added.
The night nurse walked in then, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave now, visiting hours are over.”
I was left alone with my sleeping roommate.
The Morrighan waved her hand. A crow flew passed the scene and it disintegrated.
‘’Why’d you do that?”, I asked.
No need to rehash the past, Daughter.
From the darkness of the trees a lone figure of a woman emerged. Her face was in shadows under the hood of her dark cloak. She addressed The Morrighan.
She wants to find the Halloween Witch, Great Queen. She has earned this privilege. She should be allowed to see more.
Raising her left arm, she outstretched her hand and a fog appeared where the vision had been. The fog cleared as she lowered her arm and we were once again returned to the scene at the hospital, except that it was different. This time standing at my bedside were Aphrodite, Mercury and The Morrighan.
“Whoa! You were all there?! You knew and never told me?!”
Shhh… Watch… Listen, said the stranger.
Poor thing, said Aphrodite. She’s been through so much. When do you think they will remove these tubes?
Soon, Aphrodite., replied Mercury
She advocated for herself as best she could, Aphrodite. Three doctors, two hospitals, weeks of anguish. She has been very brave., added The Morrighan.
Yes, replied Aphrodite, and still they tried to talk her out of coming in for care. Luckily, you gave her parents great strength and they told the doctor they were coming in and someone had better meet them at the emergency room.
We needed someone to cut through the miscommunication that’s why Mercury gave her the idea to ask for a notebook to keep track of all the medical advice., said The Morrighan.
Being bold and unafraid of questioning authority saves lives, said Mercury.
Aphrodite continued, I’m just concerned that she won’t feel good about herself after this. She’s going to have a long recovery and will need to make many life changes.
This is nothing compared to what’s in store in the future and you know it!, stressed Mercury.
Let’s just get her through this now., The Morrighan insisted.
Yes, my friends. One step at a time.
That was strange! I heard a woman’s voice speaking but couldn’t see her. A bubble of green light appeared. Not to sound corny, but it reminded me of how Glinda the Good Witch made her entrances in The Wizard of Oz. The green bubble grew larger at the foot of my hospital bed and then faded away. In its place, a cauldron appeared.
“Wow!”
Shhh…Watch…Listen…, said the mysterious visitor.
I continued to watch as the same green light appeared over the body of my sleeping roommate! As I stared with my mouth agape, I saw a spirit rise from the body of the old woman!
“How is this possible?”
Shhh…Watch… Listen…, said the figure in black.
As I continued to observe, I saw the spirit of my roommate cross to stand beside the cauldron at the foot of my bed and become the Halloween Witch!
Mercury, Aphrodite and The Morrighan stood quietly and then Mercury broke the silence.
Greetings, Cerridwen. Thank you, for helping our charge.
She has proven herself through her kindness to this old woman., replied Cerridwen. I’ll need something from each of you to do this properly.
Cerridwen stretched out her hand first to Mercury who offered her his caduceus. Taking it in her right hand. She placed it in the cauldron like a coffee stirrer.
Then Cerridwen looked to Aphrodite. Aphrodite reached up into her hair, removed a shimmering pearl shell comb and handed it to Cerridwen.
Cerridwen touched the shell comb to the side of the black cauldron and its visage changed from sooty black to Mother of Pearl!
Lastly, Cerridwen looked at The Morrighan. The Morrighan tossed a handful of what looked like dying leaves and dirt into the cauldron herself. A large black crow landed on The Morrighan’s shoulder and at her feet lay a beautiful black feather. The Morrighan bent to retrieve the feather and handed it to Cerridwen who promptly tossed it into the now pearlescent cauldron.
We’re ready., she said.
“You all helped me.”, I said.
Yes, said Mercury, We all had a hand in it but only Cerridwen could work the spell with The Cauldron of Regeneration.
“Regeneration, that was often my thought as I recovered, the body can regenerate.”
Shhh… Watch…Listen…, said the inscrutable stranger.
You have told me she sings like a bird. Why is this important?, asked Cerridwen.
She will have an overwhelming test, one that robs her of her voice and singing career coming up in a few years., said Mercury.
Then we best include it here as well., acknowledged Cerridwen. She will need great strength to recapture her sacred voice. Embryonic sounds, the sounds babies make when learning to speak are needed. A lullaby will do the trick. We must hum. All of us!
With that, the Halloween Witch, I mean Cerridwen, started humming and stirring the mixture in the cauldron. Slowly, the others caught on to the tune and joined in.
I watched myself get out of bed, hum and drink from the cauldron with Cerridwen, and then return to bed.
Incredulous, I exclaimed, “You gave me the cure for my neck injury and healed my ability to sing ahead of time?”
Yes, we did. You’ve defied mortal medicine with some supernatural help. We were glad to give it to you., said Aphrodite.
You had and have great work to do, Kathleen.
Following the sound of this new voice, I looked to the edge of the tableau and there she was in her dark cloak, the Halloween Witch. But now I knew her name.
She is, Cerridwen, the Great Goddess of Resurrection and Mistress of The Cauldron of Regeneration.
You survived a great trial and in the midst of your own suffering showed kindness to your roommate., she continued. Standing up for her while you could barely care for yourself, that revealed to me your pure heart. My cauldron brings renewed life and the items, all healing talismans, have been working in your life ever since.
“Oh, Goddess Cerridwen, if I was the recipient of your blessing then what have I to show for it? I am plagued with questions! Have I done the right things? Made the right choices? Why have I not done more?”
Ah, you are bothered by the mundane portions of living that interfere with your magical work of conquering the world. Your ability to make a difference has not been hampered. You have changed many lives for the better, including your own.
After an intense experience such as this one, it was natural to want to change the world in a big splash. But the truth is, the world is changed a little bit at a time though the daily actions of each person. Those actions, working together in cosmic harmony bring about larger change on the global stage.
What have you missed out on? What haven’t you completed? These are the things truly bothering you now. They are called regrets and every decision has them.
Just then, a notebook appeared in my hands!
Books were always your favorite. Perhaps it’s time you wrote one of your own.
“Write, a book?”
Yes.
“What would I write about?”
That’s up to you. First things first, toss those regrets that are holding you back into the cauldron so they may be remade and you can be reborn yet again.
Cerridwen waved both hands over the cauldron and flames erupted from inside it.
Go ahead, Dear. Write them in your notebook, those regrets. What have you missed out on, what have you decided against, what have you put off, what do you feel you aren’t good at, anything with a smidge of negativity write it all down and throw into the cauldron.
I sat on the cold, wet ground and with the magical pencil Mercury had given me I wrote and wrote until I could write no more. When I was done, Cerridwen instructed me to close the cover of the notebook then rise and throw it into the cauldron.
I walked over to the cauldron and hesitated.
What’s wrong, Dear?
“I’m afraid.”
Afraid to throw away your regrets?
“Yes. I’m not sure why? Why wouldn’t I want to get rid of them and move on.”
They have become a part of your identity. Part of your boundaries.
“Boundaries like Saturn and Chronos?”
Similar, but not exactly the same, Child. It’s just like when some of your voice and diction clients quit the work because they say their new voice isn’t them.
Voice is very connected to identity and so are regrets.
It’s like when you build a story using the tarot cards. Think of the journey from your favorite card, the 9 of Wands, which means great strength and carrying that strength almost to the end of a cycle.
Your obstacles have required great strength. Your ambition to be successful in outside world, to live as the you you were born to be, to be a changemaker, requires the same. Think of this as your moment to release the self-imposed boundaries that are holding you back.
You need to stop fighting with your regrets so you can be successful and move from the 9 of Wands, the boundaries you have placed on your ambitions, to the next card, the 10 of Wands, where you lay the wands, in this case your regrets, down at the finish line. This will enable you to start over with a new dream as represented by a new Ace of Wands.
Cerridwen let out an exaggerated sigh as she took in the confused look on my face.
Too philosophical, for you? I know you’re a bottom line person, Kathleen. So here it is. The bottom line.
Your new life can’t happen until you release the dregs of the old one.
Much like decluttering your house and I’m not talking about your book collection!
I nodded my head,“I know what you mean, Cerridwen.”
Looking down at my book of regrets one last time. Cradling it in my hands, running one hand over the cover, I take a deep breath and closing my eyes, toss it into the cauldron’s fire.
Moving my hands into prayer pose while keeping my eyes closed, I inhale the heat of The Cauldron of Regeneration and exhale by humming the Halloween Witch’s tune. I pause another moment and then open my eyes. I smile at Cerridwen, she smiles back.
“It is done.” I say.
It is done., the supernatural quartet reply.
“Thank you so much, Cerridwen. Thank you all for everything you’ve given me.”
Go and live your life for yourself, not for us, not according to what you think we, your celestial parents, might want from you or for you.
It is the greatest gift in the mortal realm, the freedom to live your own life.
A shout rang out, “Kathleen!”, I turned toward my Dad’s voice.
“Over here, Dad!”, I called.
I looked back to the clearing to say goodbye to everyone, but I was alone.
“Hey, Kath, where are you?”, I heard Anna yell.
“I’m right here, Anna, by the wicked witches!”, I yelled back.
“What happened?”, Dad and Anna said in unison.
“We got separated at the Zombies and I didn’t know how to catch up so I remembered just stay put and you’d find me.”, I said.
“Well, come on let’s go!”, they grabbed me by the arms as Anna rambled on excitedly, “You need to see Katie as the scarecrow! Just wait until you see her make up! You’re going to LOVE it! She looks just like something out of an old Halloween legend!”
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